If Pirates Ran The Game Industry

[Crosseyed Bunny]

What if your games were created and delivered to your local gamer Mecca by sweet talking, swagger walking, in your face Pirates?



What would that game world be like? Lets think about it and try to imagine Pirate Gaming.

First things first. No game idea would be safe. Everything from games and hardware would be stolen. If one gaming console came up with an amazing new controller you can be sure the other 2 would be creating their own version of that controller. They would even charge a lot more money for THEIR NEW IDEA. Would they give the original get any credit? " Arrgggg....no way yea scurvy rat"

Pirates would also create a market and exploit it on all angels. Say....like HD or 3D. Create the TV's and then make all your games playable on those TV's in 3D. Of course you'd have to make the 3D glasses in order to play or watch the games on the TV for an outrageous price.
Sony TDG-BR100/B - 3D glasses by Sony on Amazon
Buy new: $149.99 $125.98


If pirates ran game world they would make a sequel to a popular game that is simply a content add on. Say like new maps, new music or artist to the existing game. Ahhemm....odst or guitat hero...aheem. Why would a professional pirate NOT charge $60 for a new game then only get $15 (thanks Activision) for a DLC. Those pirates are genesis at getting booty.

Game pirates would search the world over for some amazing game creators, hire them, give them tools to create a great game, let them make several sequels (see above) and when it was time to give them royalties, fire them and them throw them out of their offices. This would happen on a regular schedule. It's a great way to rob talent and keep all the treasure.

Pirates would charge the same money for a game whether it was bought new on a disc at your local Target or simply down loaded to your PC or game console. If you add shipping, handling and the middle man cut they are making 50% more on downloaded games. Brilliant.

If you bought the game on a disc and you get tired of it and want to trade it in, you'll get about $5 if it looks brand new. That's a great scam. They will turn around and resell it that same day for $35. They did nothing and made $30.

Once you the gamer takes that game home you will then need to pay $10 for the code to play multi-player. That's $45 for a game some guy turned in 2 hours earlier for $5 bucks. Those pirates have ways of collecting booty we haven't even begun to understand.

Pirates would take the most popular games and try to find a way to turn them into MMO's and charge $10 a month to play.

Would pirates look or act like professional business men? They would try but spoken to their roguish way would become very apparent. Pirates are as pirates do. We'll let them speak for themselves.

Mark Rein the V.P of Epic Games talking about the Wii "Don't kid yourself - you're going to see more gimmicky, crappy, cheap, I-wish-I-hadn't-bought-it gimmick games based around that controller than you can ever possibly imagine.”

former Maxis designer/engineer Chris Hecker. Speaking at the Game Developers Conference 2007, Hecker announced,

"The Wii is a piece of s**t!"
Before going on to urge Nintendo to,
“Make a console that doesn’t suck ass.”


Richard Morgan, a successful sci-fi author but as-yet unproven videogame writer for Crysis 2 icalled the storytelling in Halo “bulls**t”, the characterisation in Batman: Arkham Asylum “f**king bulls**t” and Modern Warfare 2 “an immense disappointment."

There's more but we don't need to hear it.